Every new relationship comes with the possibility of ghosting, gaslighting and other such horrors. So, Is Marriage Worth It?
Years ago, I thought of myself as someone who would probably never get married. I thought I was just “wired” for relationships that were fun but ultimately short-lived. I dated a lot, slept around, and always had an exit strategy.
And now? I still believe.
It has a 50/50 chance of ending in divorce, right? I have been at a standstill with my family cause I have no interest in marriage yet, and I don’t feel ready — but they tell me that one never truly feels ready anyways.
My earliest ideas of love were shaped by Disney. A pretty girl, a handsome prince, and a long, white wedding dressing that signaled ‘happily ever after.’ As I grew older, the books and movies I absorbed seemed to have the same idea — true love = marriage.
But, Based on most couples I know, there are actually more downsides to being married sooooooo, yeah…. Not gonna happen for me.
I’ve seen what it does to people who shouldn’t stay together. From very toxic relationships and messy divorces to downright abusive spouses that become nearly impossible to fully escape. Marriage sometimes even enables violent situations because one spouse wasn’t legally able to get away soon enough or with proper protection. And some people have actually been killed because of that. Even without such extremes, it’s really never fair to either of the spouses that there’s such a difficulty in getting a divorce when they need it (especially when there’s so much legal and financial dispute).
I personally was never very interested in relationships to begin with but I believe if I had one, I’d at least like a less restrictive way to end things should said relationship go awry. I’m not ignoring or dismissing equally disturbing or problematic things that nonmarried couples face (that’s a post for another day). I just found little reason to want marriage (especially given how mostly conformative it is from a relgious and societal standpoint). And believe me, I’ve heard many things people have said to try to convince me I should some day want marriage.
Especially in this day and age? Maybe I’m not ready to so much as consider “settling down,” but I truly do not get why some people are obsessed with something that was essentially holds only societal/religious value? My culture is especially guilty of this obsession and it’s frustrating because there are a lot of sexist undertones to the pressure put on Indonesian women to get married, (some Peoples actually think 30 is too old to get married) and it almost makes it seem like that’s the only value they see in these women.
So, if you’re hesitant about marriage and looking for reasons to not get married, you’re not alone.
